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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Can't sleep again......

Day two..... lack of sleep is starting to affect my day time hours. I'm tired but cant seem to get the things that run in my mind out.
Currently I am fighting to save the happiness of my small child from being destroyed by the current law system.

Why cant he just step back and let me raise her in a stable loving environment and then take her for long periods of time? She's too young and dosen't understand that she's only going on a holiday and that I haven't dropped off the face of the earth and not to be sadden from the loss.
How young is too young to be stressed with anxiety? 1 year or 2?

I feel so helpless not to able to protect her from the stresses that has and is being caused by the separation. Why cant he see the pain that he is causing? Why doesn't he understand that the repercussions of this on-going stress will cause issues for her future?
Stree will be imprinted on her like a finger print and her childhood happiness lessened as she will have to grow up sooner then needed.

Does that not sadden you?

My tears flow often these days. I feel like I am failing my daughter because we live in a society that enforces rules and laws. Laws that are made by people that have no back ground in psychology.

Where is the sense in that?

Why does a Banker get the right to create Law's for how we treat children and whats in their "best" interests?
This person did not study for years to understand the human brian, emotions, learning abilities, etc?
This person sits back and request views from others thats gather the information then makes a judgement call on the opinionated report given to him.
And there you have it a law that I now have to force upon my daughter that will damage her happiness and not improve her life.
I know that there is more involved but in a nut shell this is what happens.
People with business backgrounds make the final decision and psychology is rearly listened too.

How is this right?

Why do I let this happen, how can we stand by and not say NO!?

I want to stand up and say "NO! I will not stand by and let you make a decission on what you think is best for my child! YOU dont see the tears, the pain, the emotions involved with every visit! The server nightmares and screams while sleeping. YOU dont have to force her into a car or house she's fighting not to go into.
You dont have to pick up the pieces of her happiness as its slips away and the light that shone so brightly fade from her eyes and watch her become a serious, withdrawn little girl."

Apparently two year olds are resilient to such changes to their life?

Yet I read the studys and the constant complaints from parents that their children have learning difficulties, digress in simple things like eatting, toliet training, speech.

How can a person that can not speak or grasp a concept of shared care and holidays be resilient to separation from their primary carer, the only person that has been a stable rock in their lives and whom they can trust to always be there?

Resilient or just cant tell you?

Or are we just letting people make a choice based on the opinion of people not looking for the best interests of the child but are only trying to be "fair"?

I dont presume to know what a person is feeling whether they can talk or not.
I only understand emotion displayed, I mean its pretty primitive, showing likes and dislikes. Laughing and happy versus tantrums and biting? Its how people that cant speak show emotion.

I'm an adult and understand how to take the word NO, not yet, in time, when she's ready.
I know how to deal with that emotion. I can speak, I know how to tell you I dont feel safe, I dont want to go. I am then given the opportunity and choice based on that.

I believe we place too much responsibility on our children to be able to deal with this amount of emotion and non on the separated parents.
Adults that have been on this earth, have delt with their emotions for far longer then two years.
Where is the sanity in all of this?
Are we all so caught up in what is MINE that we cant see the bigger picture?
Anyone would think that this word NO means forever, we'll it doesn't.
It means not right now, reassessed later.

I never really seen him for what I do now, a horrible selfish person that will put his wants in front of a childs needs. To teach me a lesson? Becasue the word NO wasn't ever spoken to him?

For the first time in years I can honestly say I feel very sorry for him. He is a very sad and damaged person. I now understand why he treated me so very badly.

The truth is hard acept and I wished so very much that I had noticed this much sooner and chose more wisely. My duaghter would be in the loving Marriage and family unit my husband and I can provide now and she would have a safe home and her happiness protected.

I wish I could change it, please lord.

I've never stopped him seeing his daughter nor am I wanting that now, I just cant watch my duaghters happiness taken from her and replaced with stress and anxiety so young.

She's too god damn young to be so very stressed.

I thought thats what mothers are supposed to do?

protect their children?